so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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