So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
