We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
