there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
