I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
