I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
