i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
