Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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