every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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