He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
