The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
