I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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