He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
