I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so much tequila, so little girl.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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