FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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