just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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