that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
