Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
