and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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