before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
