All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize