You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
