Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
