I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize