by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
