you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
