whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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