So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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