I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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