even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize