I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
