I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
