So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
