Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
