Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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