two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize