Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
