I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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