Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
