How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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