Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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