Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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