And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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