one might say we're banned from that church
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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