Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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