So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
