apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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