omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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