I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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