Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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