think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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