i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize