That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
