Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
