The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
