When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
