I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize