I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
being pregnant is like rehab
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
