Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize