I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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