They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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