And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My vagina is officially offended.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
