I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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