i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
