I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
