He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize