i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im six kinds of drunk right now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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