I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
