Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Randomize
