I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
