Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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