so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
