Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
