how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
