How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
