i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
