I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
