I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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