is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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