Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
