he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
