How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
