Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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