im about as happy as oj after his trial
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
