walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
