I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
