I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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