I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
