Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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