I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
