turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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