If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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