I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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