What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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