how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
