my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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