In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize