heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
