Kiss
Puke
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
