tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
