hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
