i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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