no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
PANTIES FOUND
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
