Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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