Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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