I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
