watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
