He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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