I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
