Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
