Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
