What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize